Scars

My heart is aching... feeling the sting of old wounds. This day has been full of memories and emotions that feel fresh and raw.  I don't want to be part of this club.  Thankfully, I'm not in the club alone... and, unfortunately.... I know too many other members. One of the members, asked me if the pain ever goes away?  I don't think it does..... and, I don't really want it to go away completely.  It sounds crazy and maybe, it is.  I don't want to forget that they were here, however briefly... that they, were alive and growing inside me.... that they, were part of me. I don't want to diminish the bigness of their precious lives. The pain becomes a source of comfort, in it's own weird way. It's a mark on my life.... a scar.

 

There are days like this...... when I wander back down the road, that brought me to where I am today..... making me slow down and listen. Whispers of promises that are held close to my heart.  Words that calm the sting and soothe.

 

(Psalms 147:3) He heals the brokenhearted, And binds up their wounds

 

(Jer.29:11) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 

We all have scars.... some, more evident than others. A scar represents an injury....one that has healed. It's a reminder of when we weren't quite whole. I look at my knee and remember running down the stairs in our house at the farm, and slipping on the kitchen floor, sliding into the side of the washing machine.  That scar is barely visible now. Emotional wounds are the hardest to heal, and sometimes take the longest.... but, they CAN be healed. 

 

 

I don't want my scars to define me. I want them to 

REMIND me that I am whole.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Horses & little boys

Thatcher was with me the other day, when I went to Walmart for some things.  When we pulled in the parking lot, we saw The Gustafson family with their wagon and two beautiful Clydesdales. They are artisans from Dexter KS, who live simply and close to nature.  Thatcher was very excited to see the horses.  They were pouring buckets of water over them to cool them down.  I let him watch, while I got Addy out of the car.  He was talking to them (of course!), and still very much in awe, as I put him in a shopping cart, close to our car.   Mr. Gustafson has a full beard and friendly face.  He smiled and answered a couple questions, that Thatcher asked.  As we headed to the store entrance, Thatcher asked me in a very quiet voice "Was that God?"  Made me smile! I started thinking about the pictures or cartoon characters, that he has seen, representing God.  It was a sweet little snapshot in our busy world.  Here is a link to read more about the Gustafson family.  http://rechasmiths.webs.com/

 

Here's a picture from their website, I couldn't find one of the him with the Clydesdales.

 

This is his horse... for now. 

 

 

He also loves his blue donkey from Mee-Maw!

"hee-honk!"

 

 

 

 

 

Have a great week!

Soccer Mom

I have become the proverbial soccer mom.... and I love it!... BUT, don't look for me in a minivan!   Spencer started playing when he was 4 years old. Actually, he chased butterflies, examined the grass, squashed bugs, talked, and talked.... did I mention talk?!  The next year he learned to "talk trash".... we had to remind him, that this was soccer and not football. When they are that little, they are just one big giant mob chasing the ball around the field..... SOOO cute! However,  there are always those kids that are "naturals" and excel... even at an early age.... they are usually the one with the ball!  

 

 It is a funny experience when your child starts playing competitive sports. Parents of young children are constantly teaching them to share with others and take turns.  Now, we have turned into these crazy people in lawn chairs, yelling at them to "TAKE THE BALL!", among other phrases... that have nothing to do with sharing OR nicely taking turns.  I wonder if this is confusing to their young little brains! Sometimes, you have friends on the opposing team and you do the polite "oh, what a great kick!" or "good job!", even when you really wish they would have missed the goal! It's much easier to say those things, when OUR team is winning!   It is amazing how competitive PARENTS become, when their little people strap on shin guards and cleats! 

 

 We really enjoyed soccer, every fall and spring.  It was fun to watch Spencers skills and confidence develop. We enjoyed all the different kids and their parents.  We treasured the time with supportive grandparents, who braved the heat and the very cold first, or last games of each season!  I think Spencer played every season from age 4 to 14!  Now, he plays for the High School soccer team and even earned a varsity letter last year.  We love watching him play!

 

 

..... and so, it begins again......Thatcher is 4 now, and he had his first soccer practice tonight!  He looked so tiny on the field.  His cleats looked so small!  He had a really good time.  He was very excited to go pick his big Bubba up, from HIS soccer practice... and compare notes.  It was obvious, that he knows they have something new in common. He was very excited to be allowed on the field.... he has been chased off of it for many years! He was very excited to have a water break, and go get his own bottle from the cooler.  He is very excited that we ( and BamMa, BamPa, MeMaw & PaPa)  will come watch him and yell "go Thatcher".... ("TAKE THE BALL!") 

 

So, we will be hauling our chairs,  blankets, and treats to the Sports Complex for several more years... and now we will be chasing Addy off the field, as she tries to run to HER big Bubba!  

 

 

 Too bad this is blurry!  He actually had really good ball control

and was headed for the goal!

 

 

Have a great week!  Choose JOY!