Graduation

Watching my nephew and friends children graduate, bring a couple of different emotions to me. I'm a little sad to see them leave their carefree childhood behind.  I'm excited to see the young adult, they have become.  I'm a little scared to see them head off into the world... on their own! It takes me back several years to when I was taking those steps across the stage.  I remember very clearly, dressed in cap and gown... cameras flashing and thinking....."what now?" 

 

On my own........

 

As a very young child, I knew I wanted to be a wife and mother.  I don't remember wanting to "be" anything else.  I did well in school, without much effort... but, I had no desire to keep going to school, after I was free not to!  I just always KNEW what my plan was.  My mom wanted all of her girls to live on our own or go to college, find out who we were, and learn to take care of our self.  Her generation married very quickly after high school, and started families. (That's the plan I had! ). She stressed the importance of being out "on your own", and finding out who "you are".  I took her words to heart (surprisingly!) and I'm thankful, that I did.  It was a wonderful time of my life.  I discovered independence, security, a good work ethic, personal accountability, freedom, financial wisdom and most of all, so much about myself. It's liberating, to find out that you are more.... MORE than the second born child, MORE than the "stubborn one"....MORE than how you've been defined, from/by others your whole life!  It is amazing the person you become, in just a couple short, but very important years. 

  There were sweet men that I dated, that I could have married earlier in my life.  I could have followed what I thought my heart wanted....at the time!  When I prayed, I could have convinced myself that he was the right one.... and I did try that a couple times!  I'm so happy, that he wasn't!  I'm thankful for each of those sweet men, that cared for me and walked beside me briefly, while I became the woman I was meant to be. And while I waited for the right one.... Someone dear to me, told me... "You may love one person... or many in your lifetime, and just because you love them, does not mean that you are meant to love them forever."  I will NEVER forget those words.  Each of those relationships brought something special to my life,  and I learned from the season that we shared. I also learned that Gods plan and timing, are sometimes different from mine and the desires of my heart! Why did I forget that so many times over the years?!  Maybe I don't learn easily!! (are you laughing?!)

 

I still cherish those years!  There were so many people that shared those different seasons of my life. Some of them are still in my life, and some have gone. I learned something from each of them.  I had so much fun!  I was successful on my own.  I learned about life and about myself. I felt ready for each new chapter in my life.... And I was ready when God brought me to my man... an AMAZING man!  Soooo worth the wait!!!  I was definitely ready for that exciting, new journey!!

That's part of MY story.  I'm excited to see the next chapter for these new graduates. I pray for growth, wisdom and protection, as they head out into this big world! May they have a wonderful time on THEIR unique journey!! 


Congratulations! 

Here is our nephew and new graduate, Drew (with some proud grandparents!)

We love you Drew, and can't wait to see the big things that
God has planned for your life!!

 

Recent Pictures

Just the boys..............  

 

 

 

 

 

Have a fabulous week!!!



Speaking and Running

 

 

Speaking...............

This month is really busy already.  Spencer was the last of 4 speakers at our church on Student Led Sunday.  We were really proud of him.  He showed great maturity and composure for a 15 year old. He did a really good job. He had one little slip of the tongue, but I don't think most people heard it. I didn't hear it, he told me about it later.  He handled it very well. But, hey.... that's what makes it a good memory!

Here is a video clip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vo63PJjldBQ

and some pictures........

 

Running...................

 

 

This past weekend, Spencer and his dad went to Kansas City to run a 5k sponsored by the Chiefs.  It started on the parking lot and they ran around the Chiefs and Royals stadium and back to the Chiefs and through the tunnel (where the players run) and ended on the 50 yard line.  They both got medals and had a really good time.  Here are some pictures from that. 

That's them on the jumbo tron with their medals. 

 

 

 

Daddy is awesome and shared his medal with Thatcher....

 who has claimed it as his!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Let Go

Many thoughts today.... thinking about life and the things I often try to control.  Thinking about the choices I've made.  Thinking a lot about the 6 years that we lost babies.  There were many days that I my heart hurt so much, I didn't think I could breathe.  My heart felt like a gaping, aching hole.  I felt like I was being punished.  I felt like I'd been abandoned. I wished that I could numb the pain.  Why did God allow us to rejoice in hope and then rip it from our soul?  I felt like I was doing what He asked. I felt I was living the life He wanted.  I am a control freak...and this was something I couldn't control.
 It was a painful journey. 

 

 I was extremely thankful for Spencer and for the sweet memories of pregnancy, that I was able to experience.. and I love him so much. I felt guilty that, that wasn't enough. I felt guilty for wanting another child, when sweet friends were not able to experience having one. I felt guilty for feeling ungrateful. I felt guilty for being bitter. I felt guilty for being an emotional wreck many days. I felt guilty for not being able to give my husband another child. I felt guilty that I couldn't give my son a little brother or sister. I felt guilty for questioning God. I felt guilty for letting this define me. I felt guilty for desiring something, that must not be His plan.   It's not His plan.  My heart was screaming for it to be, but it was not His plan.  I let go.  It took 6 years.  I couldn't fight anymore.  I couldn't keep hoping and dying inside...every single month.  I let go. 

 

 We put the nursery together and I said " if we build it, they will come!"  I prayed a lot in that little room. I came to peace that it wasn't going to be through me, but we could still add to our family.  We decided to Foster-to-adopt.  We completed the course and we also were being considered as a relative placement for my little cousin.  We were approached by a grandmother, with guardianship of two grandchildren.  I saw that there were many opportunities, that I wasn't open to seeing before.  I gave Him control.  So hard for me to do.  Then He gave us Thatcher.  It still makes me cry.... the ugly cry!  Once I let go completely... and gave it back to Him.... He gave me my hearts desire.  I feel like I wasted so much time "wandering around in the desert".  It was a lesson I had to learn. It was something I had to go through.  The journey was the lesson.  Am I still a control freak.... yes, it's something I have to battle daily (among many other things!).

But,  I'm still learning!

 

I hope your day if full of joy and smiles.  I hope we all have eyes to see His blessings.