I'm having a weepy mom day. I don't know why, or what brought it on. I've been thinking about my first born. He is so wonderful, kind and thoughtful. He loves Jesus and has a heart for others. I am so proud of the man he is and is becoming. I am happy to see him successful and out on his own. He's a driven young man. I know he is going to do big things with his life, and it's exciting to watch. I miss having him home.
My heart is just being silly, today. It all started with a text. He has grace and kind words, when I ask if he had a good childhood. He is so sweet and reassuring....that made me more weepy. (good grief!) That's what parents worry about.... traumatizing our kids in some way and messing up their little lives. We agonize over things that can't be taken back. Things, that they... probably don't remember the same way, or remember at all. We trivialize the GOOD things we did. Why do we focus on the other? It's a precious and daunting job.. parenthood. Maybe I'm tender right now, cause I'm in the trenches with little people. I have learned from past mistakes... but, that doesn't mean I won't make new ones or even the same ones!
I think I'm just very aware of time today.... how fast it goes by. I managed to get my best friend all weepy too! (sorry, sweet friend). I told her, that I would do anything for one afternoon with him on my lap again. Rocking, talking, laughing, singing, being silly, praying over him while he sleeps in my arms. To smell his hair and feel his little body and each breath he takes. To hold his hands when they reach out for me, deep in slumber. To gaze, once more, on the softness of his face. I loved our little world... when I was his whole world.
Those precious moments.... fleeting... with each rock of the chair and kiss on the forehead.
To my sweet little boy, who grew into a sweet young man.... You changed my world forever, and I love being your mom.
